Being the grown up is hard. It's so hard. It's hard because you have so many responsibilities, so many necessities to see to, and if anything goes wrong on your watch, even if it wasn't your fault, you get blamed for it. Because, unfortunately, life isn't fair, and whether you deserve it or not, you will encounter trouble.
When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was grow up. I used to think it would be so cool to be in charge, to be able to see the world as adults do, because adults had all the power. They could do what they wanted. When I got older, I realized that a kid's life is really the simplest of all. It may not be satisfying sometimes, and it can be downright frustrating to have to wait before you can do what you want to do because of age limits - but when you're a kid, you don't have to worry about anything. No one expects you to take responsibility, or to watch out for the younger ones, or take care of things at home. Kids get to have all the fun.
Now, at the ripe age of sixteen, I am nearly an adult. In many ways, I am. I have what it takes to lead, I have a job, I babysit, I'm responsible. But I'm also still a kid. I collect comic books. I watch superhero cartoons. I goof off and play. I like being a kid. But...there are some parts of being an adult that are great - like being independent enough to go out on your own, or having people respect your opinion because you're finally old enough to know what you're talking about.
Still, there are some days when all I want to do is be a ten-year-old again. It's the sad truth that no kid truly understands just how good they have it until they're not a kid anymore. Because no matter what anyone says to you, no matter how much they tell you that being an adult is not all golden, when you're a kid, you don't understand. You can't understand, because you don't know what adult life is like.
Being the oldest of a family of four contributes to my feeling stressed and worn out. My siblings and I, we're a wilful bunch - add that to the fact that the youngest is a very demanding two-year-old, and you have Frazzled Big Sister. Whenever my parents are out I automatically become the head of the house, and that means that everything that happens, I'm supposed to be aware of. Not only that - I'm supposed to be on top of it. But really, sometimes it gets to be too much. Like when my sister and brother fight over who gets the TV. Or when my brother insists "he knows" when I tell him to get his work done. Or when my sister is crying nonstop because she didn't get to go with Mum and Dad.
Other days, it seems like there's one thing after another, all piling up together to ensure I don't get any downtime. I know it's not really like that - it just feels like it is. If it's not a difficult chapter in the textbook, it's clearing the house, or arranging the books, or a meeting I have to go to...you get my drift. I lead a very busy life, and it can get hard to keep up with it all. Maybe I'm insane, but I like it that way.
Like I said, it's not easy. I'm not trying to shirk my responsibilities - I know that no matter how they rankle or how exhausting they are, I have to do them. But everyone needs a medium to let loose, you know? Otherwise the tension will literally kill you. Too much stress has a detrimental effect on your health.
I know I lead a more or less golden life at the moment. I tell myself that all the time. My life is so different - in a good way - from those of my friends. For starters, I don't spend six hours a day in school. I study at home and finish my allotted work within three or four hours at the most. My mom stays home and cooks everyday, and my dad works from eight to five only - and he even comes back for lunch. I live in a city I love, which is peaceful and quiet, where you can get anywhere within twenty minutes. My family is well off and we love each other. I'm lucky enough to have a job which earns me all the spending money I need. My life may not be perfect - really, whose is? - but it's a wonderful life. I'm well aware of that, and I thank God for it everyday. I never want to take it for granted.
Even so, I have a need to rant every once in a while. I need to be able to complain and unload all my negative emotions so I can continue being the happy, cheerful, bubbly, optimistic, and considerate soul I strive to be. I'm not one of those characters who are doom and gloom - but I am human, and like anybody else, I need to have a method to destress. That's why I have this blog.
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